"Italy is a dream that keeps returning for the rest of your life."

My four month study abroad experience has come to end and I am preparing to board my United Airline Flight tomorrow morning.  My bags are packed, the sheets have been taken off my bed, the refrigerator cleaned out, a last semi-warm shower has been taken, and American cell phone numbers have been exchanged.   I can still remember like it was yesterday, entering this quaint little three bedroom apartment in the heart of Rome and thinking this is my new home.  I lived on Via Gregorio VII, 44.  Before leaving when asked why I chose to come to Rome I really did not have a clear answer.  I have studied Rome in Catholic school growing up and I have heard the stories of “when in Rome…” but to this day I can still can not pin point what exactly drew me back to the Rome pamphlet time and time again after searching other countries.  Now that I am on my return, I can say what Italy means to me and what Italy has taught me.  Depending on where you stand in life in goals, aspirations, and dreams Italy will be different.  I believe that Italy will be a different place for everyone who visits.  Over the summer when I was on the phone with my Dad he said to me, “Malia, you have no idea what you are about to experience.”  I responded with the “I know I know.”  I was wrong.  I will share with you some of the biggest things I have learned even though it is hard to express in words.

The biggest lesson I have learned is probably that no matter what I do in my future to not let fear stop you.  Now, I don’t mean to just deny the existence of fear because I am confident it will show up later in life whether I like it or not.  But this time I will be ready as it makes my heart beat faster, my palms sweat and my throat dry and stand up to and tell fear I am going to do what I am going to do anyway despite my fear and that you Mr. Fear can not stop me from doing what I need to do.  Fear can almost be viewed as a thief and if I let it get to me it will steal away many experiences in life.  Leaving my comfortable lifestyle in California to come to a foreign country, not knowing any one, let alone not speaking the language was enough fear to have my stomach flip upside down.  Yet I have learned that sometimes  you have to give up everything to leave yourself enough space to let in the very thing you didn’t originally have space for: a different self-concept, an alternative perception of the world, the ability to slow down and take life at a reasonable pace.  I have learned that once you leave something you are getting something else instead.  I have enormous potential to grow when I allow myself to experience things that are unfamiliar and that sometimes the need for security keeps us trapped in a world where too much is known to us, which does not give the explorer in us room to move.

I have learned that there is good and bad, efficiency and chaos, beauty and ugliness in every culture. By experiencing another culture I have learned to appreciate what is good and sacred in my own American society.  For example, the quality of education I have received, freedom of speech and to do what I want in life, and well in the summer air conditioning just to name a few.  I can also notice the bad as we overuse food pesticides and have a television/video game crazed culture.  As I land on American soil tomorrow I will never be so proud to be an American.  I love America!  Traveling around Europe I have realized that there is such much of the United States I have yet to explore, starting with San Diego.  I have learned that things that I thought I REALLY needed well those things a really just conveniences.  By not having a clothes dryer or a shower that I can turn around in…my clothes still dried and I was still able to maintain be clean.  I have come to the conclusion that God did not give sunshine to get tan but to dry laundry.

I learned that I am capable of confronting scary things of traveling like being a foreign country completely lost and pulling out a map to figure out the bus and metro system, or a social engagement where no one spoke our language. When my friends and I stuck it out and succeeded, we not only gained the satisfaction from what we accomplished but also the ability to confront the next scary thing with the confidence that we will succeed.   I have learn how to make myself comfortable. When you put yourself in a situation that’s unfamiliar and have to learn to adjust, you gain a kind of confidence. I know you can live in a country where everyone speaks a different language and learn to communicate. I know I can be completely lost in an unfamiliar city and use maps, taxis and metros to find your way home. I can decide to book a flight to Prague, pay for the ticket, take the plane, go to Italy and make it back home all on my own. Traveling, you learn about your independent self. I have been extremely lucky and have met some of the greatest relationships.  I plan to cherish the relationships and of course we will be on the phone together talking about our

Now living in Rome, I definitely did not become one of the locals by no means.  In fact, as I leave I am still unable to speak the local language and make cultural mistakes but I have learned that if I remain humble and with enthusiasm I will be embraced warmly.  Sometimes I had no idea what was going on in certain situations but with a smile on my face and a positive attitude I did not need to understand which brings me to my next lesson.  As a student, I am often expected to make sense of things through my text books and homework assignment.  But being immersed in a new culture I will come across things that I simple do not understand, and trying to understand everything is impossible.  Studying abroad has taught me to live with mysteries and the beauty of an unanswered question.

Four months later I am departing from Italy to go back home and  I leave behind countless memories, a lifestyle I loved, and a new environment that gave me the opportunity grow. When I arrive back in the US I am sure I will experience the peace of returning to my language, home, old friends and loved ones. Yes, losing my everyday Italy routine will be missed, but the lessons and prospective of life that I have gained will forever stay with me.  I have been extremely lucky and have made some of the greatest relationships with people from all over the world.  I plan to cherish the relationships and of course we will be on the phone together talking about our reverse culture shock experiences with one another.  I have made new friends but my study abroad experience would not of been the same without the support and knowing I would be returning to my great friends in La Jolla.  Finally, I would like to thank my Mom and Dad for allowing me to have this study abroad experience.  I love you and can’t wait to come home for Christmas.  Ciao Italia….A hui hou!